Well, I admit I am a very shy guy (so shy that I used to give the old women my seat in the public transport), and I definitely never (NEVER) approach random girls and talk dirty things to them, including asking them out on a date. But I had suddenly changed and I felt particularly brave one night after fighting my ill uncle in the hospital. I approached an attractive nurse named these days Tinny (or wasn’t it her porn star name?). For a reason I couldn’t understand at that time, the words were coming out right not the normal cursing and swearing, and I managed to not only to persuade Tinny to go out on a date with me, but also had a very lively conversation that left her crying in desperation.
So, we met after a few nights I hardly remember (probably due to the quantity of the drunken alcohol). I and Tinny started talking, which was awesome ‘cause I wasn’t very sure that I am able to talk after two litters of vodka. But then it started getting to be like she was flirting with me. She was even pawing at me and holding my hand! I'm not one for confrontation, but I wasn't going to let a minor porn celebrity to take advantage of me so easily (on my first date in months). I thought acting like a macho was the right way to go. I told Joe (I wasn’t sure that it was his name but when I am drunk I called everybody “Joe”) that maybe she should be worrying more about the global warming than flirting. You may be wondering who the hell is Joe – honestly I don’t know some guy that accidentally passed around. Oops. Tinny was furious with me that I would be so ideal match for her, and also gave me a direct order to refer to her as my girlfriend from now on. Joe gave me a dirty look as well. The rest of the night was just painful. I tried to steal a bottle of whisky from a video shop I remember the staff there enjoyed the idea and laughed long after I fall unconscious.

This story was edited in order to make at lease a little sense


So, I went on this strange group date. It was me, my new date, his friend, and two of my best friends. Believe it or not this was in 5th grade and we were already having sex all the time (It was just a pleasure, I didn’t actually intend on running serious staff with any boy who didn’t have fast sport car and big lovely villa on the Bahamas). Well, once we got there my last date, Daniel (or may be John or Larry), and both my best friends (Sarah The Horny and Sue The Blowjob) wanted to run to the first hotel that allows rooms for students, but they were pressuring my Denial (I really doubt his name was Jack) to run also and I am NO runner would rather taxi and he is a major jock so I had to (plus I am a little overweight, so I felt I kind of had to prove to him I wasn’t as lazy as it often appear). So, half way into the run I got a strong desire of having sex and my chest felt like its going to burst so I just walk into the first pub I saw.
When I understood the immorality of my actions I could've killed myself right there out of embarrassment. Ok, so then we went into the woods near a small motel and just sit around talking and I guess we started playing spin the bottle and he wanted to see my body rock (which wasn’t bad idea at all), and of course I was completely flat even though both my best friends were "developed" so I did everything I have learned from the X rated channels at home and I could tell he was not happy. And the next day he was completely ignoring me. I felt horrible and he asked my friend to be his girlfriend and she agreed and I did understand the meaning of the silicone boobs.