A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing the staff that normally boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy but then the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should’ve mentioned this before, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge 20 bucks for sex," she said.

The boy just looked at her for a while, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did what they were about to do.

After a cigarette, the boy was just sitting in the driver's seat and looking out the window. "Why aren't we going?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should’ve mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and my fare back to town is $25."

I think this would be much more fun with a few more people.
Amazing, you're almost as good as my ex!
Maybe you're just a little out of practice.
Now I can guess why he/she dumped you...
You gave me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
What do you think about liposuction?
What are you planning to make me for breakfast?
I have a confession...
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
You'll still vote for me?
Have I mentioned my transsexual operation?
I do really hate women who actually believe sex means something!
Did you come yet, darling?
If I tell you who I'm fantasizing about will you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
I think a good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Does this count as a date?

Once upon a time there was a prince. He liked a princess from a neighboring country very much but he did not know how to explain this to her. The prince gathered the councils and asked him to consult how to process the seduction.
The answer was: “Your Highness, you should take a brick and hit her head and then... you know, while she is still warm...”
The prince did not like the advice. He sent for the wise men in the kingdom. The wise men came and heard the prince’s problem. They thought for two long months and the said to the prince: “Lad, you take a brick, hit the princess head and until she is still warm...”
The prince got angry and sent them away. He decided to ask the people and he called a meeting on the public square. Nobody could answer but they told him that in the wood lived an old witch and she certainly could help.
The prince went to the wood, found the witch and explained the problem. She said: “Son, you go the ninth mountain from here, on the ninth loan there is a herb which blooms once in ten years. You fill a bag with this herb and come back to me”
The prince went to the long journey and after a few years he got back with the herb. The witch made a tea and gave it to the prince: “Now you go to the princess give her this tea to drink, then take a brick and hit her head... then while she is still warm...”

Please notice that this is just a tale and don’t try this at home...

Everybody looks funny naked!
Did you wake me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Why don’t you try breathing through your nose.
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
Do you accept Visa?
On second thought... let's turn off the lights.
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not to smear my make-up, will you!
But I just brushed my teeth...
Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
I want a baby!
Why am I doing all the work?
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
When is this supposed to feel good?
You're good enough to do this for a living!
Did I remember to take my pill?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
No, really... I do this part better myself!
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

Ivan 24 years: I think I have really deep feelings towards my fiancée. I think I really love her.
Trifonoff: Don’t worry it will all be over after the marriage...

John 28 years: I like very much collogue of mine but I don’t know how to ask her out. What should I talk to her?
Trifonoff: If you are 28 and don’t know how to hit a girl you’d better focus on the porn magazines...

Sarah 22 years: I am really sexy girl (I look exactly like Angelina Jolly) and there are really a lot of men who are asking for my phone... but then nobody calls. What do I do wrong?
Trifonoff: You are probably blond and you probably don’t know your number.

Tania 16 years: Do men really like better women with big tits or is it just science fiction?
Trifonoff: Do women really like better men with big portfolios or is it just science fiction...

Tim 14 years: Do I have to kiss the girl on our first date?
Trifonoff: No.

It's very odd I know... I have never felt such passion towards any company before (towards no company if I need to be more specific). Am I wrong, or is there just something really sexy about Google? And furthermore if I could peck Google on the cheek, I would.
OK, let’s not get too intimate, but I really do find Google attractive in a way I have never felt about other girl before. I can spend all my life with Google and the only think I need to see when I get up is her.
Google is a SEXY in a irresistible way!
If Google was a chick I'd jump it right away. Maybe it's the OO in Google reminding me of something? I honestly don’t know!
What do you think am I OK?

Trifonoff: for people like you there are nice big white facilities and professionals who can really help. Please, do not hesitate to contact them before you find sexual attraction in Yahoo as well.

Women geography

 Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
 Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
 Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
 Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.
 Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
 Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
 Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
 After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Men geography
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

So, I went on this strange group date. It was me, my new date, his friend, and two of my best friends. Believe it or not this was in 5th grade and we were already having sex all the time (It was just a pleasure, I didn’t actually intend on running serious staff with any boy who didn’t have fast sport car and big lovely villa on the Bahamas). Well, once we got there my last date, Daniel (or may be John or Larry), and both my best friends (Sarah The Horny and Sue The Blowjob) wanted to run to the first hotel that allows rooms for students, but they were pressuring my Denial (I really doubt his name was Jack) to run also and I am NO runner would rather taxi and he is a major jock so I had to (plus I am a little overweight, so I felt I kind of had to prove to him I wasn’t as lazy as it often appear). So, half way into the run I got a strong desire of having sex and my chest felt like its going to burst so I just walk into the first pub I saw.
When I understood the immorality of my actions I could've killed myself right there out of embarrassment. Ok, so then we went into the woods near a small motel and just sit around talking and I guess we started playing spin the bottle and he wanted to see my body rock (which wasn’t bad idea at all), and of course I was completely flat even though both my best friends were "developed" so I did everything I have learned from the X rated channels at home and I could tell he was not happy. And the next day he was completely ignoring me. I felt horrible and he asked my friend to be his girlfriend and she agreed and I did understand the meaning of the silicone boobs.